it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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