Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
