I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
