My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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