We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
