If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
