My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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