Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
