Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
