what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
