dude i'm inner monologue high
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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