Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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