listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
