We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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