i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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