i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last night I used snow as a chaser
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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