my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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