I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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