your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
