God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
