You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
