yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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