I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
