yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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