I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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