Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
