In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We left the knife in your bed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
