you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
