I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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