ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my shit smells like andre
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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