atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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