Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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