My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize