Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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