Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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