Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
