sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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