you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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