I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
