Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
