she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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