My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
