we're blogging at a bar
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
