It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
how drunk are you?
Several
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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