lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
