What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vagina is officially offended.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
