he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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