I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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