I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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