If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Someone signed my nipple.
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