I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish there were birth control emojis
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
