I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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