The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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