can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm having to shit out rocks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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