Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
