he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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