So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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