We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
