I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
