dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
