if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
