Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
