Jerry, you need to find god
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
