On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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