Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
